"The Ego Is Good As Far As It Goes. But It Doesn't Go Far Enough."


"Echo and Narcissus" by J M Waterhouse.)

ONE STORY

For most of human history, the ego was a gift.

It was a survival tool.
A structure we built to protect ourselves.

It helped us get through childhood. Helped us rise early in our careers. Helped us build identities sharp enough to be seen.

But what helps you survive the first half of life can quietly sabotage the second. Especially when that survival was powered by talent.

SUR...

There’s an old proverb:

A man is being chased by his fear.

He runs through a field. It keeps pace.
He climbs a mountain. It climbs too.
He dives into a cave. It follows, unblinking.

Eventually, he reaches a cliff. No more running.
Just two options:
Jump.
Or turn and face it.

He turns.

And something unexpected happens.
The fear stops.

It shifts.

It says, “I’m here because this moment matters. Because what’s next is bigger than you. Because your choices, your focus, your courage–they matter here....

It’s simpler to say what you’re against.
(And the quickest way to form a group.)

It’s harder to name what you’re for.
To consider that which you’re against.

 --

But, we’re wired for contrast. Aren't we?
Hot or cold. Light or dark. This or that.

That’s how I taught my kids.
This is this because it’s not that.
But eventually, it stops working.

Hot isn’t bad. Cold isn’t either.
And darkness? It has things to teach.

I often go back to this Kierkegaard line in my head:

“You label me, so you can...

ONE STORY

(Ethan Hawke with Josh Hamilton, Alessandro Nivola, and Frank Whaley. Photo by Cass Bird.)

"Your Friends Can Save Your Life"

Good Friends > Fame & Fortune
Ethan Hawke has been famous for over 30 years.

And perhaps the most important thing he’s ever said has nothing to do with film, theater, or acting. It’s this:

“I think your friends can save your life.”

He doesn’t mean that metaphorically. He means it literally.

When Hawke was 18, he starred in Dead Poets Society. The movie was ...

When I was younger, I wanted to change the world.
When I was younger, I didn't really understand change.

It turns out that when most of us talk about "change," what we really mean is:

I want the outcome.
The impact. The transformation. The better future.

But here's what I've learned: nearly all resistance–from ourselves and especially from those we lead–comes when we ask people to change.

The word itself triggers defensiveness.
It implies something's wrong with how things are now.
It suggests loss, unce...

One standard I set with many of my clients:
Don’t look yourself up on social media.
Especially in-season.

Why? A few reasons.

First, ‘fan’ is short for fanatic.
Everyone posting about your performance is, by definition, a fan.
That doesn’t mean they’re qualified. It means they’re emotional.

Second, not all commentary is worth your attention.
Cynicism often passes for insight.
But don’t fall for it.

There’s a big difference between feedback and fear.
Between a real critique
And someone hoping you’ll fold.

It ...

You'd be amazed how many emotionally immature coaches there are in sports.
(Or maybe you wouldn't.)

Half the work of working with young pros is helping them realize: It's not personal.

The psychological games? The mixed messages?
That's not about the athlete's skill or future.
It's about the coach's own insecurity.

That's when we talk about standards–and thermostats.

When everything around you feels unstable or reactive, you need something stable and chosen.

A standard is a promise you make to yoursel...

ONE STORY


("Nothing for the Heart". Photo by Thomas Hawk.)

"It’s Time to Get a New Watch"

Time Travel
In the mid-1800s, railroads exploded across Europe. Massive progress for commerce and travel.

But trains didn't just make travel faster–they broke time itself.

It turns out, before trains, every town kept its own time based on the sun. That's fine when trips took days or weeks. But once distant cities were just hours apart, even a few minutes’ difference became a real problem.

Missed connecti...

AI may be the future.
But it's not how we move forward.

AI can plan your workout.
Write your outline.
Track your progress.

But sending the hard email?
Picking up the phone to apologize?
Getting back up after the loss and trying again tomorrow?

Trusting your gut. Honoring that deep desire. Risk looking foolish. Holding hope without proof.
I could go on…

These don't compute.
But they're what make us human.
And for most of us,
They're the only way forward.

What will you do today that makes no sense to...

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like standing on the sideline
of a big-time college football game, I’ll tell you:

It’s mostly an exercise in watching grown men wrestle with reality.
And they tend to fall into one of two camps.

In one camp:
The coach who’s constantly unraveling.
Anger. Profanity.
Yelling at the play, the athlete–reality itself.
Nearly all his energy is spent resisting what’s happening.
And honestly?
No one’s better for it.

In the other camp:
It’s like watching a seasoned sai...

 I set this goal a few months ago.
Not just any goal–100 days of showing up. Shipping. Sharing.

Today is Day 70. Still a ways to go.
But here’s the truth: I reached my goal long ago.

Day 2 or 3, messages started rolling in–people telling me the work was helping them.
Day 8 and Day 14? I needed those days. They changed me.
By Day 24, a CEO friend told me his team was using my work in their weekly huddles.
Day 41 sparked an entire leadership retreat–of people I’ve never met.

It’s showing up in board...

You chase it.
A goal. A milestone. Day 100.

You swear it’s just over the next hill.
A little more effort. A little more grind. Then–arrival.

But when you get there?
It’s gone.

Turns out, “there” was never the point.

The process was.
The showing up.
The noticing.
The courage to care enough to act.
The discomfort of pressing publish.
The quiet joy of impact.

You didn’t cross a finish line.
You built a rhythm.
And in turn, the rhythm built you.

Funny thing about goals:
They’re useful–only if ...

ONE STORY

("Gettysburg". Photo courtesy of Matt Evans.)

"Doubt Never Disqualifies"

He Wasn't So Sure.
We like to believe that history was made by people who were confident.
Confident to lead. To speak. To bear the weight of the moment.

But confidence is largely a myth.

Take Abraham Lincoln.
(There are countless examples from history to draw from, btw, so I thought: why not pick from the front row?)

(Abraham Lincoln. Photo courtesy of Britannica.)

Lincoln is, by almost any measure, the most admir...

I had coffee with my younger self this week.

He ordered a vanilla latte.
I ordered a coffee with light cream.

I asked him how things were going.
He lied and said everything was good.
Said he liked the work he was doing.
Said he could see himself doing it forever.

I told him a time would come soon,
When he’d be really honest with himself.
When he'd feel it: this season is over.
He’ll be scared to admit it. But he’ll know.

He asked, But what will I do?
How will any of this translate to something else?...

ONE STORY

(James Dyson. Photo courtesy of Dyson.)

"5,127 Failures Later"

A Better Vacuum?
Before James Dyson built a billion-dollar company, he built a vacuum.
Actually, he built 5,127 vacuums.

None of them worked the way he wanted.

Each one failed.
But each one moved him forward—frustrating, incremental progress he could feel, even if no one else could see it.

He wasn’t failing blindly. He was learning.

Every tweak gave him new information—about suction, airflow, angles, friction, and resilie...

Listen for it.
You’ll hear it everywhere:

“I’m trying to get faster.”
“I’m trying to win new business.”
“I’m trying to be more present.”

Trying sounds noble. But it’s not.
It’s a hedge. A way out.
An escape hatch you build before you even start.

You’re either getting faster or you’re not.
You’re pursuing business or you’re not.
You’re present––or you’re rehearsing the excuse for why you weren’t.

Here’s a test:
Ask someone to watch your kids while you’re out of town.
Or your pet. Or your home.
If they ...

Your inner critic doesn't always shout.
Sometimes, it whispers.

Don't miss the block.
Don't forget your lines.
Don't fumble the sale.

It sounds helpful.
Even responsible.

But listen closer.

That voice isn't giving you a plan.
It's giving you a list of fears.

This is 'avoidance thinking.'
And it puts all your attention on the problem. Not the purpose.

There's another voice.
Quieter. Clearer.

Land the block.
Deliver the line.
Close with confidence.

This is 'approach thinking.'
And it replaces "don't...

A few years ago, I worked with a football coach who did this brilliant thing.

His position group had 14 guys. Only 4 starting spots.
One week before the first game, he began a ritual.

One by one, he called guys up to the whiteboard and asked each to write their starting four—from their point of view.

Then he’d ask the room: “Anyone want to make a change?”

Once there was consensus, he’d write his own starting four.
Sometimes it matched. Sometimes it didn’t.
And they did this every single week for the ...

We were taught:
Ready. Aim. Fire.

But that’s not how it works.
Not really.

You don’t know what ready means
Until you’ve shot the ball a few times.
Missed. Rebounded. Adjusted. 
Shot again.

That’s how you get ready.
That’s how you get clear.

So yeah—Stop rehearsing.
Shoot the ball.
Then adjust your aim.
And shoot again.

Eventually you’ll find ready. 

Fire. Aim. Ready.

ONE STORY

(Michael Jordan, March 16, 1996. Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

"Stillness Is Strength"

(Don't) Be Like Mike
Michael Jordan almost lost Game 6 of the 1998 Finals. Not because of nerves. Not because of pressure.

But because he couldn’t sleep.

Because he was so wired from constantly pushing himself that his body had forgotten how to shut down.

The night before what would become The Last Shot–the game-winner that cemented his legacy–Jordan lay awake, staring at the ceiling. His mind r...

It's the first question in any coaching conversation.

What do you want?

Not what's next. Not what's expected. Not what keeps the plates spinning.
What do you want?

It's a hard question when you've been head down for so long.
Another day becomes another week becomes another deadline becomes another fire to put out.

So many of us have gone numb. Our impulses aren't even ours anymore. They belong to the systems we serve.

So before anything else, the coach's task is simple:
Cut through the noise.
C...

Most problems aren’t that mysterious.

When someone’s stuck—complaining, venting, circling the same drain—it’s usually one of three things:

Skills. Standards. Beliefs.

They don’t know how to do the thing.
They haven’t decided what they’ll tolerate.
Or they’re telling themselves a story that makes the whole thing feel impossible.

That’s it.
(This is also the simple gap framework we use in nearly all of our coaching conversations.)

So the next time someone comes to you with a problem, don’t jus...

A mentor once told me:
We live in a society without elders.
Not without older people.
Without elders.

There’s a difference.

Age doesn’t make you wise.
And experience doesn’t make you worth following.

Wisdom comes from walking through fire–
And letting it refine you, not harden you.

We used to have more of these people.

It was the neighbor who’d been through hell and still showed up with kindness.
The mentor whose life did most of the talking.
The faith leader, coach, or teacher whose steadiness ma...